


Love Is A Lie

by Sealegs2414



Category: Park Shin Hye - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 05:55:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10327238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sealegs2414/pseuds/Sealegs2414
Summary: “Long time no see, Eun Mi-yah.”The intimacy of informal speech made your stomach squirm. You had kept that barrier for a reason but here she was knocking it right back down. Nodding slowly, you pushed your plate over offering her some.“Yeah…”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Love Is A Lie  
> Shin Hye x You (Eun Mi)  
> Word count: 3284

Papers littered the small bedroom that didn’t have much more in it besides a full sized bed a small nightstand, a desk near the window with your laptop and lamp on it and a basket for laundry. Normally, your room would be full of clothes on the floor if you had let it get dirty in the first place but right now eyes glued to the white popcorn ceiling you laid amongst a new script you needed to memorize in a week. Your chest expanded and retracted, feeling heavier than you wanted it to but the thoughts and the flashes of colors of memories you didn’t want to see just kept coming.

One

After

The

Other.

It was like a roll of film that wouldn’t stop going, the person who manned the booth had apparently taken a coffee break and never came back. Where were the ending credits? Why wouldn’t it stop? How could you stop thinking about her?

She was so pretty, of course she was, she was a star actress, booking jobs left and right as if she wouldn’t be pretty. That smile of hers while she laughed at something you said was your favorite. It held all of the warmth you could get from a summer day and boy did you miss summer. It wasn’t cold and foreboding like winter was. Like your heart seemed to be.

Sometimes you really wondered how others could be so open and affectionate. It was too hard. It hurt too much. Love? That was just a facade. There was no such thing as love. Heartbreak. Well, that was certainly real. Depression, that was too. Sadness, you felt it every day. Letting your head fall to the side you saw the pages full of words you should have locked in your mind already. It was a mess. Feelings were always a mess. Especially yours, no matter how much you tried to control them. This is how it always ended. Cold, alone and a mess.

Lifting up your hand towards the ceiling your mind was at it again, imagining things you shouldn’t be imagining. If the air above you could materialize into what you were seeing, it would… well it would make you smile. Caressing her cheek, brushing her hair behind her ear…

A rather big sigh escaped your lips and you let your arm drop back down onto the paper littered floor. It had been five months since you last saw Shin Hye, there was absolutely no need to be feeling this way, to be even thinking of her. Certainly, you had pushed her away enough.

“Keep in touch, alright?”

“Sure.”

The brightest smile was beaming at you but all you could do was shift your eyes away guiltily. You hadn’t kept in touch like you had agreed to do. The two of you had gotten too close too quick and it was leading down a dangerous path. One you had been down before and didn’t want to venture ever again. Eventually, the calls stopped coming and you were okay. That was how it was supposed to be. That was how you wanted it.

Love.

It’s a farce.

Pushing yourself up from the floor, you slid all the papers you could reach over to you in a pile. Picked them up and placed them on your desk. Reorganizing them could be done later. For now you needed to get out of your small apartment. It wasn’t small because you couldn’t afford a bigger place. You had actually garnered more popularity in the entertainment world but you liked the comfort of your small place. It had everything that you needed. 

Padding over to your front door, you grabbed your coat and scarf. Slipped on your snow boots, grabbed your keys from the ring they sit on and rushed out into the winter air that you dislike so much. For once it was a little refreshing. It helped numb you, the heaviness in your heart wasn’t as noticeable. Feeling the cold sink into your bones, you made your way down the streets of Seoul. There was small food stall not too far from your apartment. The further you got the more you realized that you weren’t wearing any gloves. Stuffing your hands as far as possible into your coat pockets you walked briskly. Warm food would take care of that. That’s what you kept telling yourself anyway.

The ahjusshi that worked there brightened as soon as you appeared and waved at you. You were quite the regular and more than once the two of you had exchanged stories and perhaps you’ve even listened to his troubles on quiet nights like tonight. There was only one other person sitting at a table with soju in their hand. 

“Agasshi, what are you doing out so late, hm? It’s dangerous you know.” He shook a finger at you sternly but you couldn’t help but laugh and wave away his worry.

“Ahh, it’s not that late Ahjusshi.” 

His eyes stayed stern for a few seconds longer and then he broke back into that smile. Even if he was trying to watch out for you it was clear he was still happy to see you.

“Sit, sit down. I’ll bring you your order in just a moment.”

“Ah, no, no I can wait right here for it. You don’t have to bring it to me.” 

The man turned around and raised a brow, pinning you with a pointed expression. It spoke volumes.

“If you insist. I’ll go sit.” You smiled shyly at him before turning to find the closest table so he wouldn’t have to walk as far. He had a lower back problem and on really cold nights he was always complaining about his back but only when it was just the two of you. Never in front of other customers. You had been loyal for too long.

It didn’t take him long and steaming tteokbokki was placed in front of you with a glass of water. Holding two thumbs up you smiled as brightly as you could at him. 

“Extra spicy right?”

“Aigoo, you still have to ask me that? Yes, yes, extra spicy.” 

You chuckled and he followed suit before going back to his place behind the cart. It wasn’t a second later that you were already digging in. Your phone set on the table and scrolling through some social media. It was more to pass the time than anything else. Most of it you just looked at briefly before moving on. When you were about halfway finished you heard a chair scrape across the concrete. Lifting your eyes up they fell on the last person you had expected to see.

“Shin Hye-ssi,” 

The words were barely a whisper but that warm smile of hers stared you in the face. You let your eyes rake over her appearance, she looked adorable in her purple hat with matching mittens and coat. Her cheeks were a bit rosy from the sting of the cold but that just made her look like she was wearing blush and enhanced her beauty. Oh and the tip of her nose was pink.

Cute.

Dropping your eyes back to your food, you tried to swallow the rice cake but suddenly you didn’t know how to work your mouth or anything. It took a few tries.

“Long time no see, Eun Mi-yah.”

The intimacy of informal speech made your stomach squirm. You had kept that barrier for a reason but here she was knocking it right back down. Nodding slowly, you pushed your plate over offering her some.

“Yeah…” 

She didn’t need any prodding but reached over for the pick you were using, stabbed a rice cake and popped it in her mouth. Your eyes couldn’t help but watch every motion. Reaching for your water you missed grabbing it and almost knocked it over in the process. Grabbing it quickly with two hands, you hated how nervous you were acting but didn’t know how to stop it.

Her mitten clad hand reached out to yours, gripping your wrist.

“Eun Mi-yah, why don’t you have gloves or a hat? Aren’t you cold?” Immediately she took off her mittens and started placing them on your hands. Sitting there powerless you just watched as your body was frozen, staying still against your will. Next she took off her hat, leaning over the table she placed it on your head, fixing your hair and bangs so that they would lay appropriately with it one. Your eyes stared into hers until her landed on yours. She was still leaning over the table but both of you just gazed into each other's eyes. Hers were full of warmth and yours… well you just continued to show the nervous energy you couldn’t get rid of.

“There you go, now you’re warm and adorable.”

Coughing, you looked away and just pushed the rest of the plate over to Shin Hye. She went about eating more and thanked the Ahjusshi when he came over and brought her some water. The two of you continued in a quiet silence like this. She kept eating and you kept observing, trying to get your insides to cooperate with the stoic stance you often liked to portray. It wasn’t working. Shin Hye would look at you every now and then her smile never failing to be there. It was the smile you lov- liked to see. Liked… Liked.. Jeez, what was wrong with you?

“Do you live far? Can I walk with you?” 

Shin Hye’s questions were so bold and intruding but as much as you wanted to prickle up at her, you didn’t mind. Not one single bit. Why were you like this?!

“Uh...not f-far.” Clearing your throat you tried again,

“I mean, I don’t live far. Sure you can.” Watching her bounce excitedly in her seat your lips twitched up in an adoring smile. It took a second but you quickly wiped that expression away and awkwardly stood up from the table. Picking up the plate and the glasses you brought them over to the ahjusshi.

“Here you go. It was delicious as always. I hope we can talk more next time. Make sure you put a patch on your back when you get home, okay?” The older man smiled at you and agreed before ushering you off.

Walking back over to Shin Hye who was standing there you tried to take off the mittens but she stopped you.

“Nope, not until we get you home.” She shook her head, lips in a thin line trying to be firm. Letting out a heavy sigh you relented and started walking away from the stall.Shin Hye fell into line beside you easily and chattered away about your recent work and how she had watched every episode and really enjoyed it. You tried to reply in the appropriate pauses but it was hard. That chest heaviness you were feeling before was back tenfold.

“Nope, not until we get you home.” She shook her head, lips in a thin line trying to be firm. Letting out a heavy sigh you relented and started walking away from the stall. Shin Hye fell into line beside you easily and chattered away about your recent work and how she had watched every episode and really enjoyed it. You tried to reply in the appropriate pauses but it was hard. That chest heaviness you were feeling before was back tenfold.

As the two of you walked through the streets of Seoul, it started to snow. Whenever snow was falling it made everything fall quiet, you weren’t sure how snow had that power especially in the busy and loud center of the city but it did. You liked it, the one thing about winter that you enjoyed. The two of you fell into a comfortable silence. It somehow made it a tad easier for you to breathe. She had never been to your place before but oddly you didn’t mind that she sort of forced- well, no she didn’t really force- herself on you. Taking off her hat you placed it on her head. It was bad enough that you had stolen her mittens, you shouldn’t keep the hat too. Shin Hye lips turned up in a soft smile and the two of you continued on.

“It’s not m-much farther.” You stuttered but how could you now, your eyes traveled down to a hand that was most certainly yours but had found a way to snuggle into yours. Biting your lip you snapped your eyes back in front of you. The speed at which your heart was beating had doubled and suddenly your neck was really, really warm. You wanted to take off your scarf but you also didn’t want to draw any attention to yourself.

Shin Hye hummed in reply not letting go of your hand, if anything her grip had grown a little firmer.

It was…

Nice.

Really nice.

The time it took to get to your apartment complex was a lot shorter than you had wanted it. Just as you were about to let go, Shin Hye pulled you along to the front doors of the complex. You had intended on just leaving her there but decided to follow her inclination. Leading her to the elevators, you took it up to the sixth floor and continued hand in hand to your door. Once you were there, it was unavoidable, you let go of her hand and began to take off her purple mittens placing them in her hand.

“You really didn’t have to walk me all the way to my door but thanks.”

She smiled and nodded.

“I know, but it’s late and I wanted to make sure you got there safe.”

Honestly, you could have argued with her about her own safety but you decided against it. What were the two of you going to do? Walk each other back and forth. That was silly.

“Let me call you a cab, hm?”

Shin Hye was already shaking her head and waving her hands in front of her.

“No, no, that’s okay. I don’t actually live that far from here either.”

Reaching into your pocket, you grabbed your keys and began to unlock your door. Pushing the door open you looked back at Shin Hye, hesitating on ending this impromptu meeting.

“Are you sure?”

As you stood there you watched her play with her short black locks. It seemed like she was contemplating something but you weren’t sure why it was taking this long unless she had something else on her mind. You wanted to ask but something held you back. The two of you played this waiting game for a bit longer. Opening your mouth to speak, Shin Hye walked forward and briskly brushed her lips against yours, her hand sliding down your arm until it found your hand and she was holding it once more. Every inch of skin she touched felt like it was on fire and once again you wished you didn’t have a scarf on.

Pink dusted your cheeks as you looked back at her, she was still much too close and her pupils were now blown wide. You were pretty sure that you looked exactly like she did right now.

“I’m sorr- actually I’m not sorry. I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

The words were all rushed and almost running together but you heard them loud and clear. This night was spiraling out of control, none of this had ever been expected or even truly hinted at before. You two had a good relationship that you may be felt like could be more before but it never worked out so why start something that would just end. You didn’t want that, you didn’t need that, she didn’t either.

Now though…

Now…

You didn’t know what was up or what was down, what was right or what was wrong.

“Shin Hye-ah…”

It came out so natural, the affection in your tone for once wasn’t hidden. It shone brightly and she could feel it. She was smiling at that but the smiling wavered as you started to waver too. This rush of emotions was too much, you had already been so close to drowning before but now. How were you supposed to stay afloat now that she had crossed this boundary. Running your fingers through your long silky locks and shifting your eyes away from her. Shin Hye took half a step closer and squeezed your hand. Taking a deep breath you let it out slowly before turning your eyes back onto Shin Hye. Everything you saw there was everything that you didn’t want to see. Those dark brown eyes were so bright, warm, full of affection, and worst of all love. So full of love that there was no way you could deny it. The longer you looked at her the more scared you became.

Your worst nightmare was materializing right in front of you and what was worse was that your heart was yearning, yearning so much for you to just let go and say yes. If it could it would jump out of your chest and just envelope Shin Hye in the biggest embrace but you were still frozen. So cold. Cold as you always were. Just like how everyone leaves you, because you’re too cold. Not affectionate enough, not worthy enough.

Feeling her squeeze your hand once more, it was like her eyes were pleading with you not to turn her away. It hurt, see this is exactly why you didn’t do this. It hurt. It always did.

“I- I don-“

“Don’t push me away again Eun Mi-ah. I’ve missed you so much, not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. Worry about you. We- We had something before. Didn’t we? You felt it?”

The desperation that was in her voice only made you hurt even more but it was because she was right. You felt it, you knew it but ignored it.

Still wanted to.

Nodding once you could feel the relief wash over the woman you had such strong feelings for. There was no point denying it now. It had gone on for months and well, look at your bedroom from earlier. The papers you had thrown all over the place in frustration because you couldn’t let her go.

Oh.

Couldn’t let her go… you couldn’t.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Shin Hye’s eyes started to fill with sadness and for a brief moment you were confused but then it hit you what she was thinking. That you were turning her down. This time you squeezed her hand in attempt at trying to reassure her.

“I mean, I’ve tried but I can’t push you away anymore. A-as scared as I am, I don’t want to.” It took a lot for you to admit that you were scared. That you were afraid of her, hurting her, her hurting you, afraid of love. It had almost always been the scariest thing for you to the point that you almost convinced yourself that you didn’t believe in it anymore. However, deep down and right now you knew that wasn’t true. It was just a safety net for you.

“Can I come in?”

That one question was so simple. The two of you were still standing at your doorstep but it was more than a simple can I come in. It was a can I come in to your home, your heart. Taking a deep breath for the last time, you nodded.

“Yes.”

You opened your door wide and stepped back.

You opened your door to her.

Finally, you opened your heart again.


End file.
